Biff Bam Pow Comics

Yes that’s right - here is my official ‘kick in the balls’ list for last month. Would I have seen any of the below people in the month of June, I would have given them a swift kick to end zone, and probably been carted off in a police car.

3. Peter David

Ah Peter Peter Peter… You took She-Hulk, you looked at Dan Slott’s work, and you thought to yourself - “how can I improve on this?” Then, after you realised you didn’t have any immediate ideas, you stripped her of everything fans were enjoying, and tried to recreate her from the ground up. I tip my cap to you for the attempt sir, but I kick you in the balls for the f@£k up.

2. Dan Slott

Thought you’d escaped the list after that nice little write up did you? Well think again Slott. You sir, have committed a crime deserving of the maximum sentence. Not only have you written for the abomination that is Amazing Spider-Man: Brand New Day - you’ve done it pretty halfheartedly. That’s right - the bigger crime is not that you’ve changed something about the character (although a kick in the balls is the tip of the nut-shot iceberg for you on that one), it’s that you’ve churned out work far below your own high standards. A shake of the hand for the excellent She-Hulk, and a kick to the balls for Amazing Spider-Man.

1. Dan DiDio

I really don’t know where to begin with you Dan. We’ve had a funny old relationship you and I. I’ve written you letters, you’ve not responded, and I’m still sat here buying your comics. Comics of such ‘quality’ as Trinity. And Final Crisis. Comics I should be loving as a life long DC fan. But what have I got instead? Comics that I want to make paper airplanes out of. Your sir - you don’t just get a kick to the balls - you get a steel toe capped Brazilian soccer player kick to the balls. Hope your voice isn’t too squeaky afterwards.